How to use Service Learning to Enhance Your Child's Education

Service-Learning is a form of experiential learning where students apply academic knowledge and critical thinking skills to address genuine community needs.
-Pamela and James Toole, 1994

Simply put, Service Learning is gaining skills, knowledge, and understanding through providing a service to the community and making connections. This can be done in school or out of school. This means YOU can foster Service Learning in your kids. It is another way to take more control of the education of your students.

Participating in Service Learning provides an opportunity to connect to something outside of yourself. In providing the service, Students are able to practice empathy and look at the world in a different way. They are able to

• question

• make mistakes

• lead

• work as a team

• fail and recover

• make a real difference

There are an infinite amount of opportunities for this type of learning. It can arguably have a greater impact than other popular extracurricular activities such as sports and clubs.

Here is how to maximize the impact of Service-Learning for your student.

1. Find a project or cause that your student connects with. The more familiarity or appreciation they have for a particular topic or project, the more success they may find in it. Many students (and adults) believe they know everything there is to know about the subjects they study and care about it. One thing to learn is that there is always something to learn!

2. Be willing to put the time in with them. This does not mean you are expected to spend the hours of service as well. Simply be sure to provide support in the manner of rides, training, encourage learning and ask questions. Simply put, take an interest in it.

3. Connect your student with others who participate. Help them form social relationships, a comradery. These relationships keep the connections and learning to grow.

4. Be flexible. Your student may want to switch things up as they learn or invest more time in. While this may be a challenge for a family to provide the time and support for this, it is important as it allows for growth!

Where can my student participate?

Find out what your student is into. What do they care about, and know that you are not bound by facilities and program availability and rules. There are a number of ways o provide service learning on your own. Here are just a few examples. Get creative.

• read to senior citizens, younger kids or pets.

• community beautification, trash pick up.

• drives, canned food, books, animal food…ect

• fundraising

• rock painting

• adopt an animal

The possibilities are endless. Research causes your student is into and find ways to get involved. You can make it a family affair as well!

If you have any questions or need support in this endeavor, feel free to reach out.

Giving Up Goals!

Giving Up Goals

I am giving up on goals. You read that right. I will not be focused on making them and attaining them. You may be wondering why I preach learning and success and yet, I plan to give up on prioritizing goals. I am not crazy and am not giving up on success. I am focused on action over achievement!

Rather than creating long or short-term goals which, let’s be honest, I WILL crush, I will be focused on action. For example, think of a goal you had. Remember reaching it? How did you feel? No doubt you were so proud. Maybe you received accolades from friends and family. Now, think about how you felt following that high. Many times our goals are lifelong. If we make a goal to lose 50 pounds, then we achieve it, we may set another goal or that may be our final goal weight. Then what? Maintaining that goal is often harder than achieving it. Many times, people go back to old habits with no motivation to maintain them.

So what can you do? Live your life goallessly? Wait for miracles? No and No.

Live for action. Make each and every choice forever based on your identity over your goal. If you want to be a healthy person, you do not need to make a goal to lose 50 pounds. You can approach each meal as a healthy person would. Live each day as a healthy person would. Approach activity options as a healthy person would. If you are focused on living as a healthy person would, you will eat smarter, be more active, and be focused on healthy living. There may not be a big goal achievement as you are accustomed to the celebration but you will achieve and maintain better.

Set your identity and live it each day. Then ask yourself the questions and make the choices.

• How would an emotionally available mom react?

• What does a lifelong learner do each day?

• What does a healthy person eat?

• What does an author do?

• How do healed people respond?

Eventually, you become what you set. So, what is your identity?

Are you a reader, an activist, an informed voter, a writer, a photographer, a teacher, an entrepreneur, or an animal activist……who are you, and what do you stand for?

Unofficial Student Led Conferences and How They Help Your Student Succeed

Education is in an undeniable slump. Students and teachers are struggling with major learning gaps which have arguably been there before the Covid-19 pandemic but have been brought to the conversation table consistently since then.

Prior to the pandemic, there have been gaps in Literacy and Math. What some people fail to realize is that all learning and subjects have a base of literacy and math. Conversations around these gaps have included;

• excessive rigor, or lack of

• teachers being too strict, or not strict enough

• too much parent involvement, or not enough

• standardize testing

• overstressing our students

• too much to teach, not enough time

• and even just talk of a “lazy generation”

…the list goes on and on!

As parents, what can we do?

This question seems more important as our kids get older. Secondary school is when many parents and students struggle to find success. It is a time of growing independence for your student and it can be hard to find the right balance of support and intervening. The biggest impact you can have is simply to be available.

One way to do this is to give Unofficial Student-Led Conferences a try. These can increase confidence, accountability, and executive functioning mastery in your student.

Make conferences with them. I recommend regular unofficial "conferences" with your kids. You can do it as often as you need based on your student and their age. Start weekly and then extend out. I would recommend at least quarterly by the time they get to 10th grade.

These conferences allow your student to be the expert. Many LMS (Learning Management Systems) used by schools are online. This gives access to you as a parent that we have never had before. Set times for you to sit down and go over grades missing assignments, understanding of the material, and even relationships with teachers.

Get them to be able to identify, where they are, where they need to be, and how to get there.

The biggest caution I have for this is DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO TURN INTO A LECTURE! This can lead to shutdown by your student and withdrawal. The point of these is to foster confidence and openness, They must feel safe while being vulnerable.

Listen, encourage, and ask questions that lead your student to “how” they can get to where they need and “what” those action steps are. Let them know you are there to help.

If there is a major concern or flaw you notice in their report or plans, think about keeping that with yourself for a day or so as to not take over the conference. Remember, they are student-led and create a space for independence where the student is the expert. Try to approach your student with ideas a little later by saying something like ....”I was thinking about our last conference….what do you think about….” This begins a dialog that is brought up out of collaboration and preserves your student’s ability to practice independence and problem-solving skills.

Weekly or even daily check-ins are a game-changer. I don't mean, "How was your day?" It is so much more than that. Pair it with actually pulling out the backpack, emptying it out, and going through things. This is a great time for a conversation about how things went that day. Children often share more when there is a task running side by side with a conversation. It takes the pressure off of them as a “public speaker” with eyes staring at them and making them nervous when they talk.

The backpacks often have things that need parent signatures, this does not stop in secondary school. Help your student practice keeping organized and connecting the school environment and home environment. Executive Functioning such as organizing and prioritizing are skills that must be taught and practiced. This helps students to connect school and home and keep from compartmentalization. They are not the only ones who forget things in different environments. I often struggle with recalling information when I am in a different environment.

Give the unofficial student-led conferences a try and see how they work for you.

Coaching VS Counseling

WHY CHOOSE COACHING? SIMPLE. I CO-CREATE CHANGE WITH MY CLIENT FOR MY CLIENT.

I get asked this question frequently. Often by family members and friends and often followed by, "You went to school and got your Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. Why don't you do therapy anymore?"

There is one BIG reason why...

I chose to coach for the simple fact that I feel my clients work for what they want and therefore get it! When I practiced therapy, I felt like

CLIENTS IN MY OFFICE WHERE NOT REALLY SEEKING CHANGE. THEY WERE SATISFYING A REQUIREMENT FOR MEDICATION, TO STAY MARRIED OR COURT ORDERS. GOING THROUGH MOTIONS. 

Maybe it was because insurance covered it, so there was really no "skin in the game" and maybe they were not motivated by a therapist or an "expert" telling them where they should be or what is wrong and feeling judged. That the therapist knows the answer to problems, but will not tell.

I ALSO DO NOT FEEL THAT PROVIDING A DIAGNOSIS TO A CLIENT IS ALWAYS EMPOWERING OR NECESSARY. DITCH THE LABELS!!

As a coach, I have freedom and flexibility to allow my client to be the expert and many of them truly want the change! I find my clients are motivated by me showing that I am a regular and authentic person who can support, encourage and help them in accountability while they reach their own goals and desires!

My education was not a waste of time and money. It helps me to be a better coach in that my niche is families and relationships. I learned about the function, diversity, development and construction of families, relationships, self, and community. 

BETWEEN MY EDUCATION AND MY EXPERIENCES, I AM MORE AUTHENTIC, AND CAN BETTER RELATE TO MY CLIENTS! 

Is Your Self-Care Actually Hurting You?

Is Your Self-Care Actually Hurting You?

The practice of self-care has picked up a lot of attention and momentum over the last few years, especially with moms living crazy hectic lives. However, just with any other practices, it has taken off and has morphed into some practices or misunderstandings that can be self-defeating.

Let’s first talk about what self-care is not. These are ideas we mistakenly believe to be self-care practices yet can contribute to increased unhealthy behavior cycles.

Self-care is not:

...always going to feel good. The idea that self-care will always feel good or be immediately gratifying is a myth. Good self-care does not always feel good. (You will come to understand this better when we get into what self-care is, so hang in there with me.)

...to be confused with coping or self-soothing. Coping skills are used in short term in order to get to a place to “deal” with struggles or triggers.

...avoidance. Many times avoidance can be counter productive to actual health. It can be very healthy to allow yourself to feel and sit with discomfort. Encourage yourself to acknowledge the discomfort and appreciate it and/or what it has allowed to you learn.

...overindulgence. This is a biggie. Many people unknowingly use “self-care” as an excuse to regularly practice overindulgence. Someone may begin to emotionally rely on food or substances on a regular basis after using small moments of gratification as a regular self-care practice.

You may be thinking, “Wow! There goes all of my self-care ideas!” Hold on a minute, you may be surprised at what is actually considered healthy self-care practices.

LET’S FIRST DEFINE SELF-CARE. IT IS REGULARLY PRACTICING SELF MANAGEMENT OR AS I LIKE TO SAY, CARING FOR YOURSELF ON THE DAILY. WHEN YOU ARE IDENTIFYING HEALTHY SELF-CARE PRACTICES, KEEP IN MIND WHAT YOU ARE ATTRIBUTING TO YOUR BODY, MIND AND SPIRIT.

Body- This includes physical care, sexual health as well as safety and security. These might include:

• Regular exercise

• Healthy eating

• Good hygiene

• Regular health care appointments and practices

Mind- This includes intellectual practice like:

• Reading

• Learning new things

• Museums

• Taking up a hobby

Spirit- This is you emotional and social health. While it may or may not include religious practices it can be:

• Prayer

• Meditation

• Practicing humor

• Social events

• Nurturing relationships

• Support

• Expressing your feelings

The next time you using self-care, remind yourself it is separate from treating yourself. (Not that treating yourself is not healthy and helpful). Think about your go-to practices and where they fit in the ideas of caring for your body, mind and spirit on the daily. Make a list of some new self-care practices.

Here are my top three that will feed all three Body, Mind and Spirit.

1. Participate in regular coaching, therapy or support groups.

2. Practice healthy boundaries. Learn to say no and build your confidence.

3. Learn a new hobby or dig deeper into one you already started.

Want to Increase Your Confidence?

CONFIDENCE

We all want know we want to experience it, but what is it? How do you get it?

Confidence is knowing that you can rely on and appreciate your own abilities.

When you feel confident you are more…

• Decisive

• Powerful

• Assertive

• Steady

• Poised

• Bold

• Daring

• Composed

• Determined

Who doesn’t want to feel a bit of all of that?

What can Confidence do for you?

It might be as simple and wonderful as..

• Knowing that the boundary that you set with your child is appropriate and necessary.

• Separating the behavior of people around you from who you are.

• Knowing yourself better than others think they know you.

• Going for something that you want regardless of the obstacles.

• Making new friends and deepening current friendships.

• Building on your social support.

• Trying something new even if it scares you and excites you at the same time.

• Losing the weight you've always wanted to.

  **You deserve this and more!

Feeling more confidence might get you a promotion, that job you always dreamed of or even get you to believe you can start that business you always wanted.

It may make you feel more sexy and increase your intimacy with your spouse.

It would free up so much time for you that you have been allowing to fill up with constantly saying “yes” to every party invite, volunteer task, and carpools because you feel like you must prove your worth constantly to everyone!

You would doubt yourself far less and your boundaries would be strong and clear for your kids to understand, your friends and family…yes even your spouse!

Your validation comes from within and you start to believe that when you feel more confident!

Sounds good right?

Have you ever felt that confidence before? Think of your earliest memory or story you hear about you feeling confident.

My mom loves to tell the story of me as a confident young child.....

When she was a single mother with a female roommate. My mom was pretty strict about me leaving toys out and all over the house, as she shared the space with a single woman with no children and wanted to respect the space.

I had a room, and this was the place for my toys when I was not playing with them. There were two exceptions to this expectation and that was my birthday and Christmas.

On my fourth birthday....

She says tells me I had my toys out in the living room. Some of the toys I was playing with, some I was not playing with.

Our roommate had a boyfriend over that day, clearly, he was familiar with the “rule” my mother had as he told me to take my toys back to my room. Only he did not simply say it to me or ask me....he commanded it with an attitude.

Being the well-behaved child I was, I  dutifully returned my toys to my room. I am sure I had quite a look on my face.

(Those of you who know me, know I have no poker face. My face says what is in my head.)

When I returned from my room, I carried a pillow with me back to the living room to rejoin the adults. It was then that I put my pillow down on the floor, looked the boyfriend straight in the eye and said in my most adult-like, sassy and attitude voice,

“That’s my pillow and don’t you touch it!”

My mother tells me this is when she knew I was a force to be reckoned with. I was not going to let anyone walk all over me.
Although I may not be able to remember this story for myself. The story has become one of my innate strength and ability to stand up for myself rather than fall victim to people pleasing. It has become a cornerstone story in my head to boost my confidence as needed int his area of my life.

So spill! How do you build confidence?

First…

Recognize that lasting confidence is built over time. It is the progression of assembling many times throughout life. Confidence is created by practicing little boosts over time and keeping mindful of these boosts.

What kind of boosts, you ask?

That depends entirely on you.

What makes you feel confident?

Is it...

• makeup

• validation from others

• a power suit

• caffeine

• education

• small success

If you really want to feel more confident?

Here is a secret for you.....shhhhh

Good self care.

(Actually, it really is no secret.)

Good self-care makes you feel good and takes care of your basic needs. When your basic needs are met and you feel good.... You feel confident!

"How do you practice good self-care?"

I'm so glad you asked!

One of the easiest ways is to get a good night sleep. You could also take a small nap as needed. A nap doesn't need to be 2 hours at noon. A nap can be 20 minutes with your eyes closed or you don't even actually fall asleep.

This gives your brain time to rest in your body time to rest and you'd be surprised at how much more energized you feel when you open your eyes again.

Go ahead, set that alarm for 20 minutes, close your eyes and build your confidence through self-care.

Secondly…

Know yourself. Are you a Night Owl or an Early Bird?

I am an outgoing introvert. (I know.....it sounds weird, but it is a real thing)

I am awake and ready to roll (chores, tasks...) first thing in the morning, but I am not ready to get dressed and leave the house and "people" yet.

However...

If I have to get dressed and leave the house in a decent manner, and "people" I prefer about 10:30.

I can rock it all day long...well until about 6:30. After that, I need to unwind and "unpeople". 6:30 is wine and bonfire time. It is not that I cannot feel confident and have great conversation but I need the downtime with my very limited close family, or alone. (remember when we discussed self-care as a way to build confidence...)

"How in the world does this relate to confidence Elena?"

I need the confidence to "people".

There are times in the day I feel that kind of confidence and times I do not have that kind of confidence. Part of befriending your confidence and tapping into it is learning your natural self, respecting and practicing your self-care.

Get to know your self and what makes you feel cared for and powerful!

Third…

Resiliency is a muscle you should be working out!

Your new theme song is "I get knocked down, but I get up again” (go a head...try not to sing it all day )

Do you know the best way to build up your confidence?

Yup....resiliency.

Resiliency is "the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties"

We all have times when our confidence is shot. Building it back up takes practice. There are many ways to do this. One is to strengthen your resiliency...you have been knocked down a number of times in your life.

.....If you haven't you likely would not have your confidence shot..right?

Try this.

When my confidence is low...I journal about times I have felt defeated....low...at the end of my rope..rock bottom.

Write down..

How did it happen?.

How did you feel.

Get detailed here

Then, journal about your triumph story. How you overcame it!!

(I must have...I am here today. And so are you!!)

Que Rocky theme music (Your welcome.)

Do this every time your confidence takes a blow. You will see how much you really have to be confident about!

Finally…

Watch for those roadblocks!

I have had a terrible day? Have you? Mine was because of comparison!

I woke up in plenty of time to get ready. I got some chores and had some coffee. I got dressed did my makeup and I felt on top of the world!

You know the feeling, when your outfit and makeup is on point and you feel like you're going to go out and crush the world!

There was even amazing music on the radio on my way to work. So I was bumping along singing out loud! When I got to work I noticed a co-worker wearing the cutest outfit. My first thought was…

"oh man I want that outfit!"

My next thought was…

"that would never fit me, it wouldn't even look right on me."

See what happens there?

Comparison kills Confidence!

When you constantly compare yourself to others, physically, ability, talents, gifts and yes even your parenting it kills your confidence.

Don't do it!!

You have strengths you are not using to the full potential when you do it!

Here is your challenge.

List 10 positive things about yourself and why.

Confidence, knowing that you can rely on and appreciate your own abilities.

Recognize it

Practice it

Show it

But most of all….KNOW IT!

Pitfalls and All..Just like we did.

As Teens....

As young people we are still developing our sense of self and therefore unsure about our own self. We need more acceptance and forgiveness as we engage in trial and error with identity development. The world is not as clear as the years of  experience and wisdom provides us. We do not have the benefit of hindsight and we struggle to trust the experience of those older than us as we have seen that many people often have ulterior motives in almost everything they do, say and share.

We want to be good people. We want to gain wisdom and insight. We first must make sense of where we are with what we know. We want to balance good choices that will benefit us and our future but we also do not want life to slip by us. We hear adults so often say “time flies” and “just wait until real life starts”. How do you enjoy what you have and where you are as well as be responsible for developing a good sense of self.

Then we have families of our own….

Raising our kids we want to shield them from the struggles we experienced. We want to provide a smoother path with less heartbreak and strife. We have experienced some crazy shit and we do not want our children to fall into the same pits. We have never felt love in the way we have experienced it now. Looking at this little life we had a hand in creating be it in the womb, and sometimes only  in our home and heart. We think back to all of the things that did not go the way we wanted or needed and we want to use our wisdom for good.

We set expectations (that is what our parents did) and we follow through. We say “This hurts me more than it hurts you” because we really believe that. Making the hard choices and doing the hard things. That is what we find is the life as a parent. All for the greater good. The betterment of our kids and their life. We failed so much in our own life and we are hellbent to get it right this time around for our kids.

But they want to develop their own self...the way we did. Pitfalls and all.

A Letter From a Step-Mom

To my husband’s ex,

     I have no idea how we got here. I remember a time when we were kind and even friendly to each other. When we met, we had great plans and ideas about the positive impact we would have on your children and mine. We were going to show them howtwo moms could come together in the name of love and family to raise our boys together. We would show them what a good wife and mother looked like so they would seek that out for their own family. We had coffee and supported each other, we developed a friendship (not best friends, but friends nonetheless). We joined together for parent-teacher conferences, award ceremonies and school plays.

     Overtime it became clear that you and I were co-parenting over the head of my husband. I found that, while I had good intentions to help unite our families from the fighting and bickering between you two, I was becoming a pawn. A way for you to manipulate the father of your children. There is a term for this, triangulation, pinning one person against another. My failure was that I did not recognize that I was cheating my husband out of the co-parenting experience. Sometimes these relationships take on struggle and morph into something we never expected. The real trouble began when I recognized this and made changes to adjust. I noticed that your husband never got involved in these issues. So I took a page out of his playbook and stepped out of the role I was playing. Surly now that time had passed you two could step up and work together. Sure it would be uncomfortable for a bit while you got your footing.

     What happens after that would be a different story from each side all together. Where you mad and making us pay for that? Did you think we did not care about the kids because the way we show love and support differs from you? Did you have a hand in swaying their “loyalty”? Did we get so tired of the toxicity and attitude we felt from you that we avoided just so the kids wouldn’t feel uncomfortable? That part of the story becomes a “he said, she said” and is not helpful anyway.

     Regardless of how angry or sad I may feel over the way things turned out, thank you. Yes, thank you. Thank you for teaching me what kind of co-parent I want to be with my kid’s father and his new family. Thank you for keeping me focused on making the “hard on the heart” choices when I want to put my arms around my child so tight I forget to let others love and benefit him. Thank you for keeping me back from judgment when my ex parents our child differently than I. Thank you for keeping me in my place, as one of many who love and support my child. Not the end all be all only on to influence him. Because of this experience I have a more smooth co-parent relationship with my ex. I respect his wife and the family that they have build together. I have no endless court dates for modifications and custody fights, paperwork and a third part telling us what do do with our family. We have build our own agreement and we change it as needed without permission from outsiders.

     You may not have intended to, and it may be at a very high price, but you taught me how to be a biological mom in a blended family. One who knows God put so many different people in my child’s life for a purpose and one who respects those relationships and allows them to grow outside of myself.

With love and grace,

            The Step-Mom

My Dream for You...A letter for the teens of today.

I wrote this with my kids and many other teens I have found myself so fond of in mind. I dedicate it to them and share it with you all!!

My dream for you. A letter to to the teens of today.

My dream for you is...

To have enough confidence to go for your dreams, yet enough humility to take others with you on the way to the top.

To find true love. Not necessarily romantic love, but true love where you choose each other and stick around through crappy stuff.

To have huge dreams of your own. Not so you can continuously compare where you are to what you want in a way that creates anxiety, but rather fosters excitement and ambition.

To find something you are passionate about and do it fully, learn it fully and share it fully

To be honest with yourself and a few chosen others, share your fears, dreams and questions in a safe place.

To do things that scare you but make you better.

To find your voice and use it, ask for what you need, question what you do not understand and share your ideas with the world.

To know you create your own identity, based on your own choices.

To have a positive impact on others and allow others to have a positive impact on you.

To have a positive and helpful relationship with failure, let it be a teacher for you and help you become better.

To know you are not and do not have to be perfect, You will make mistakes, we all do, but you will recover to make more. It is an endless cycle of life you never grow out of.

My dream for you is to be okay with that.

Teen Tornado-The messy work of Self-Identity and how we can help.

I love working with teens. I have spent the past years working in a middle school.

Middle school? Can you believe it?

The two years of my life I would never want to live again and I choose to go back!? I tell the kids all of the time, "It can't be that bad if all of these teachers and staff chose to come back here, year after year."

     But really, I meet so many great kids. Some are so obviously great right from the moment you meet them. Some….well, let’s just say, it takes time and patience to earn enough of their trust to let you in, But man when they do, there is nothing like it!

     I met this young girl while she was in middle school. She was so nice, she had a great sense of humor and was so very thoughtful.

I found out through other teachers that she was very disrespectful in class

-Flipping teachers off

-Cursing at them and other students

-Getting into fights

-Dating a new boy every week, and when I say dating, I mean really getting involved.

     When I heard of all this, I recalled the funny and even sweet girl I had come to know. As I got to know her better, I learned of so much messy in her life. She was really developing her identity in the midst of utter chaos.

     There is a quote in our Staff room that say “The kids who need love the most ask for it in the most unloving of ways” This about sums it up!

     So many girls today struggle with confidence, bullying and appropriate self expression in a world where so much of our private lives are public.

The internet has opened up our eyes, our homes and our lives!

This is not an internet shaming article though. This is they new world, the way we live now. No amount of shaming or guilt will change that. Keep in mind, the teen girls (and boys) of today, only know THIS world.

Building your identity takes time, energy, awareness, knowledge and knowing it is not only possible but it is in our own hands!

What can we do to help these teens?

It starts at home. Connection. It can be so hard sometimes to stuff our ego and treat teens like lesser beings (they really can act like it sometimes). Just remember, they are young people developing their identity through choices. They need us the most at this point and we often respond by pulling away when they do.

     Seek out help! It takes a village after all. Use your resources, programs, family and friends. Mentors should be available at the ready!. It doesn't even have to be a formal arrangement. I remember sending my 16 year old son to his grandparents out of state recently to get some time with Papa. He and his Papa are close and there has always been mutual respect and love in their relationship. His parents (all four of us in his blended family) were just to invested in the outcome of certain choices he was struggling to make at the time. We most definitely would have tried to sway him one way or another. Papa would surely be able to keep his needs and desires at the focus! And her did! Find people you trust and let them help with support and/or a listening ear.

     Most importantly! Know that you are enough and doing the best you can! If you are reading these blogs and seeking help and support, you are doing great work! Plant the seeds, water them and harvesting often comes much later.

10 Almost Free Family Fun Summer Activities

Summer time is upon us! Kids are out of school (or counting down to Summer Vacation). For families with young children, it is important that you find things that will not break the bank to do together.

For families with older kids, it is a great time to connect as a family and bring the togetherness that, like me, may be recognizing how limited their family time is. Post High School plans and "paint what you want in my room, I will be out in a year anyway" comments are a regular topic in my home.

Here are some great things to do as a family. Many are great for all ages or at least can be adapted for all ages.

1.Family Survival Trip

Coordinate a challenge of some type. Bring a few survival items and take a family survival trip. Great for older kids! You can do it overnight or even a few days! This is totally on our family list this summer!

2.Backyard or living room camp out.

This is great for all ages! You can do it alone or you can do it as a family! Inside or outside! Make sure you add s'mores and ghost stories!

3.build/up-cycle bird house

There are so many ways to do this one for all ages. You can provide a family challenge using only provided or found materials. My family used scrap wood from the garage, wood glue and nails to create ours. It was a blast and made the yard pretty!

4.Bonfire

Who doesn’t love a good bonfire? It should be called a "BOND" fire. ‘Nuff said.

5.Karaoke party

The best part about this is now you can just use YouTube. No need for an expensive machine.

6.Take apart and rebuild an old appliance

There is so much to learn with this activity. Come on, you know you want to do it! You can purchase inexpensive appliances from the thrift store or use an old one you would throw away otherwise.

7.Random Acts of Kindness challenge

Get the whole family involved in creating one on your own! Use a family meeting and create a list of Random Act of Kindness challenge.

8.Picnic

A classic. Get creative with menu or venue! Change it up and do a few of them.

9.Host an Ice cream Sundae bar.

Invite friends or neighbors and just enjoy making your own sundae!

10.Homemade Popsicle

Fruit juices and more. Check out Pinterest for so many ideas.

GO OUT THERE AND HAVE A BLAST THIS SUMMER! I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT SO COMMENT ANY EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE AND SHARE WITH US! 

Families Fighting Fairly

     Conflict in the home can be a disruption in the harmony of a family. Most families would love to create a space of safety, support and unconditional love in their home. This peaceful harmony is too often demolished by the reality of disagreements and rivalry that often occurs when people are living life together. This happens among both parents and kids.

     There was a time my husband and I had three boys in the home all under the age of 5. This made for some really funny moments, sweet memories and rambunctious disagreements (usually over who had the green car last and who gets it next, for how long and to do what with…). Playing referee to arguments took up so much of our time, attention, energy and quite honestly sucked the life out of our enjoyment of time together as a family. Where was the unity and support we wanted for our boys?

     Not only is it detrimental in our home but it ravishes the schools and workforce too. Learning to disagree respectfully, providing constructive feedback versus criticism and sharing thoughts/Ideas are all soft skills that need to be learned and practiced. In a world where people can anonymously comment on social media and other internet platforms using disrespectful remarks and rude comments, it is more important a skill than ever!

     I give to you “Fair Fighting Rules”! Fair fighting rules are often use in marriage therapy to outline expectations for inevitable conflict among spouses.

These rules usually include, but are not limited to:

1. No degradation language

2. Take turns talking

3. No yelling

4. Assume positive intentions

5. No use of the word “divorce”

     I say, why limit it to just spouses? Create your own family list of Fair Fighting Rules. Come up with the rules together and come up with a creative way to display them in the home. Frame them and use them often. If you have young children you can create a visual display of the rules, including pictures.

A FEW THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND...

• Accept input! If each person has a say in what the rules will be, each person will be more likely to follow them. So yes, include the kids. Ask them what feels good and bad when having disagreements.

• Follow through is key! If there is no follow through, the plan will just fall by the wayside.

• Keep is simple! Too many rules can be confusing and an outright bother to remember. Many lists are limited to 10, but feel free to make it less for you family.

     We are our greatest tool in teaching our children. The more focused and diligently we can teach and reinforce the lessons, the greater potential for success. As my husband would say, “Nothing changes, if nothing changes.”